Some days are just harder than others

I went to see Dr. Bundren today for my annual exam. I just wanted to get on BCs so I could schedule my crazy period around an upcoming vacation, but had to go into the office first.

I was emotional pulling into my work parking lot this morning. I was anxious later leaving for my appointment with Dr. B. Just knowing I had to go back there gets me upset. I didn't cry...not yet...I just dreaded going.

I got there and waited practically naked for over an hour. I read a magazine and played with my phone trying to be patient--thinking of the girls in the other rooms. What if one of them was dealing with bad news like I've had to do in the past? Still it was a long wait. Just before I was about to put my clothes on and walk out of there, the doctor came in.

I'll spare you the details, but basically I was given an Rx to take every night...the Metformin I'm supposed to be taking all along but don't. No BCs, but he suggested I get on the IUD??? We'll see about that...I've heard horror stories.

It was good seeing Dr. B and the ladies there, but just draws up so many bad memories that it's hard on me emotionally. Anyway, I'll dry my pathetic tears, put my big girl panties on and deal with it. Some days are just harder than others.

We Are Adopting!

Well we were pregnant last summer. Long story short, it ended in a DNC August 6, 2010. I was 11 weeks, but the baby didn't make it past 5 weeks.

There were quite a few ups and downs, but the ups were wonderful. Hearing all the congratulations from everyone...having a baby growing in my belly...the joy! Even though it ended in sadness, I will never forget what it felt like to have what I wanted for a short period of time. I'm so happy we went through our short, little pregnancy just to know how that felt and not to envy anyone ever again. Life goes on...

Which brings me to the real reason I'm blogging today...We are adopting!! We're trying to anyway. We just turned in our application this past Saturday to adopt through Catholic Charities. So here we go on to the next phase of our journey.

Real quick. I know this will sound crazy, but I just want to drop to my knees and thank God for everything we've been though the past 4 years. Yes, I said that! Thank you, God, for everything that's happened to us. Even though it left us financially strapped for a bit and heartbroken, the silver lining is that my husband and I are closer than ever. At least I feel we are. I love him so much and don't want to be anywhere else with any one else in this world. He is amazing! I don't know how I could have gotten through it without him. I look forward to our future as parents and feel God really does know best. Luis & I are closer now and will be better parents than we would have been 4 years ago.

So that's it for now. Too much has happened since my last blog to try to catch up. :o)