Day one down...so far so good!

Okay I don't know what I was talking about with the estrogen patches. I guess you get used to it?...because I feel pretty normal these days and I'm still using them. I started my Lupron shots last night. One down...so far so good!

I'll be on Lupron for a couple of weeks. It's the same drug that sent me into menopause a while back. The Lupron will suppress my hormones (pituitary/FSH) so that Dr. B can then shoot me full of drugs to stimulate follicle growth. He'll have more control once the Luron has shut me down.

C'mon 15+!!! That's the number of eggs I hope to retrieve June 16th. My blood work from December predicted I'd have 14, so that's what I should expect.

The needle for Lupron is small. The dose is little. Takes about 5 minutes from prep to cleanup. Not a big deal. The only thing is the meds have to stay cold, so I keep them at home. Can't carry them around on me and be just anywhere at 7 o'clock (injection time). Other than that, so far no big deal. I'm just waiting to see the effect the drug has on my moods...yikes. Anyway just a small update.

I have a good feeling this time!

Just a quick update. It's been so long I almost didn't remember my Blogger password. Yikes.

We are getting ready to do IVF again in June!!! I must say I have a good feeling about it this time. I can't explain it other than a peace that I feel about it. :)

It's amazing I feel peace about anything right now with the anxiety. Man these estrogen patches make me crazy. I feel as if I'm PMS'ing all the time. I have a migraine almost every day. I'm not enjoying this indigestion either, but it's all for the babies right? So physically I feel crappy, but emotionally I feel really good!

For now, I'm wearing an estrogen patch while taking birth control, Metformin (for my PCOS), Omega-3, and prenatal vitamins. To some it might sound kinda crazy to take birth control when you're trying to get pregnant, but don't worry. It's all for the good of the eggs and adjusting my naturally out-of-whack hormones. Beginning in June, we'll move on to the daily shots and pull out the big guns.

This will be our last attempt for our own child(ren). It's been a very hard road for us, but if this doesn't work out, then we're done trying for our own.

Please keep us in your prayers. We are already thanking God for twins!!! :)

All Good

My karaotype came back and I'm fine! My DNA is not fragmented, so we can try IVF again!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, everyone!

Luis & I had the post IVF appointment with the dr months ago. He pretty much shook his head at our case and said he didn't understand what went wrong. He thought either: A) I'm in premature menopause or B) We should try IVF again, because he can't find any reason as to why it didn't and wouldn't work.

They sent my blood off for testing to see if I am in menopause. This was just before Thanksgiving. Due to the holiday, we didn't hear back from them for a while. We even spent a week in Greece which was AMAZING, then called once we got back to find out the very good news that I am NOT in menopause! Once again the dr is just shaking his head at my case. I am an anomaly.

I think I'm happier that I'm not the 33-year-old in menopause than I am of the fact that I still might be able to have my own kiddos. I think through this process I'm slowly accepting that fact...that we might not have our own kiddos...so was more upset that I might be the only 33-year-old "granny" I know. Sorry but that's what was going through my head. I mean yes I will some day go through menopause (go through it again...drugs already made me do that in 2008), but you want to earn it and get there when you're supposed to get there.

Anyway, so I'm not in menopause but the dr wants me to take one more test--karaotype--basically DNA testing for fragments. I gave them my blood sample before New Year's. It takes 2-3 weeks, so I'll keep you posted on the outcome. If everything comes back good, then they want us to try IVF again in the Spring. Spring means tax season, so we're not going to be available to try again until June.

Pino & I haven't decided that we'll try again in June. We certainly understand it's not guaranteed and want to weigh our options before jumping in. We have time to decide and save. We might use a donor embryo or adopt. We'll see. For now, we're waiting on the karaotype test to come back before we make a decision. It's just a big expense both financially and emotionally without really understanding what went wrong the first time.

As always, please keep us in your prayers. I now have 8 girlfriends who are pregnant. The overstimulation is making me shut down. I feel nothing when I look at a pregnant woman now. Though it's a fantastic defense mechanism...it's only covering up what's really going on and what I'm sure will inevitably come out one day. Yikes.

Just Breathe

Ahhh...I'm starting to feel better emotionally, mentally, physically--all of it. We decided to take a break from all this baby stuff. We are taking our "foot" off the throttle and just slowing it down to a more reasonable pace. It's amazing how obsessive it can be and how it can take over your life if you let it! I must admit that when we were told the IVF didn't work and that we might be done trying for good there was a feeling of...relief. I mean, through all of this I wanted to know can we have kids? If the answer is no, then I am disappointed but hey that's an answer! Can I please get back to my life now? Thank you.

Before all this baby stuff, I was an avid runner. I loved caffeine, sushi, spontaneous sex, etc.--all those things went by the way side once we lost our first pregnancy and aggressively began trying to get pregnant again. I thought every month that this was going to be the month so I didn't partake in non-pregnant things--until my period started and then I would drink or run or whatever for a week at a time. Now is my chance to get all that back again--to live my life the way I enjoy living it. It's time to get our lives back in order so that we can include children in our lives when we're balanced and ready.

I signed up for a fun run next weekend. I'm looking forward to it. My knee, due to all the hormones and lack of use, isn't up for anything more than a short run so I'm just going to take it slow. I'll do a little knee rehab and hopefully some day get back into running the way I used to love it!

Having said all that, we have a doctor's appointment November 16th. It's about 2 weeks away. The appointment is to go over the doctor notes from the failed IVF attempt. I'm curious to hear what they have to say, and will make an informed decision about where we go from here after that meeting. Either way, I really need to broaden my focus to include living this life and not just putting all my energy into pregnancy.

Byebye Baby

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Here we go!

So much has happened since my last post. We've had at least 3 appointments and 3 ultrasounds. We watched as our 9 follicles grew to show there were actually 12 to grow even more to show we have 15 follicles for egg retrieval tomorrow!!!!!!!

To stimulate the follicles, I gave myself morning and evening shots followed by no more morning shots, but 2 at night. Last night Luis...yes, Luis...gave me my trigger shot of HCG. Eeeee! Here we go!

We go to Oklahoma City (OKC) tomorrow morning for egg retrieval. I'll be in one room and Luis will be in another making his "deposit". I can't wait to see how many eggs they actually retrieve. We will find out before we leave OKC tomorrow. They'll put it all together and call us Thursday to let us know how many were fertilized.

Then we wait. We go back next Monday the 12th for transfer. They'll transfer no more than 2 assuming we have 2 to transfer. If there are any other embryos at that time, then they'll freeze them for later. I'll try to keep you posted on this process.

I must say my husband has been amazing through all of this. He is my moral support and he's done a great job of it. I love you, honey!