We are getting close to retrieval day

So the down side to this roller coaster is that my right side is not responding as well as my left. That means all the eggs on my right side could be worthless compared to the 4 good ones on my left side!! That's the up side :o). All you need is one. I keep teasing my doctor that all I need is 15. I'm kidding! I'll take one. I just want twins and one can split ;o). Kidding again. We will seriously be happy with one...

Because of Saturday's ultrasound, they doubled my dose to help move things along. They might even move our retrieval from Wednesday to Thursday to give us more time for stimulation. Today I have the final ultrasound at noon. We'll know more then. Hopefully both sides are responding well and we'll be back to 10+ eggs.

Luis is out of town. He left yesterday morning at 7:00 to go to Austin, TX for work. He should be back in town tonight to give me the trigger shot (assuming Wednesday is still our day). If not, my neighbor across the street is a nurse, so I'll go knock on her door.

I'm on antibiotics now. No shots in the morning. We're on the downhill ride now. Not having those morning shots was a milestone. Things are a little easier now.

My ovaries feel large. My pants are tight. I mostly wear dresses right now. I sleep all the time...well that's kinda me anyway, but more so now. My hour naps are now 2 hours and I can't wait to get into bed at night. I basically get an extra month of pregnancy ;o).

Wish me luck on my ultrasound today!

Ride the roller coaster...

The roller coaster is off! Yesterday we went in for our first ultrasound. We had 10 follicles! I'm so happy and excited. If we had 20, would I be happier? Yes, but we have 10 and that's awesome!! Follicles can contain eggs...so we could have 10 eggs. We will have another ultrasound tomorrow, then another one on Monday. Last time we did IVF, with each ultrasound the count got higher...so I'm hoping for more than 15 follicles by Monday. Say a prayer!

It was so nice having Luis at the ultrasound yesterday. He asks good questions and that makes me feel like he is in this with me and he cares. It's easy to feel alone during this, because I'm taking 3 shots a day plus pills and let's not even mention the mood swings...all while my husband goes on business trips, plays football, and plays PlayStation. So having him there at the appointments really takes away a lot of the loneliness. Thanks, Pino!

Our ultrasound is at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I'll have to post how many follicles we have then. I hope it's more! I hope. I hope.

My meds are here.

I received my meds today. What a package. I had it delivered to work so it's not sitting in the sun at home on my porch. Most of it needs to stay cool (in the fridge). I showed some coworkers the larger progesterone needle. Haha. Let's just say they were impressed. Not a little needle. Thank God I only use this one a time or two towards the end. Then when I'm pregnant, I'll use it more AND BE HAPPY TO DO SO! :o)

This time around I'll be doing 1 shot in the morning and 2 at night Sunday 6/6 through Sunday 6/13. I'm able to give them all to myself, so Luis is free to travel for work. I'll need him or someone for one on 6/14 though...

I've been taking shots of Lupron every night for the past week and 2 days. I've had 1 hot flash and a couple headaches. No big deal. That is until Wednesday. I had a horrible day. My head hurt so bad I was nauseous plus I was super emotional. Eck. I had my suppression scan (ultrasound and blood work) that day. It was a success--my follicles are suppressed.--The nurse told me I'm allowed to take Excedrin migraine. Yay!!!!! I went straight to the pharmacy then to bed and the headache was gone. Yesterday and today have been fine...no headaches or hot flashes. I've had a couple of mood swings, but nothing major. I just remind myself it's not real. I'm not really sad...just chemicals making me feel that way.

I've sort of had a coming to Jesus lately. This whole thing is out of our hands and I'm not going to stress about it. The doctors and I can only do so much more before we close this chapter and move on to the next. Doesn't stop me from hoping the outcome is a beautiful baby of our own...Just keeps my feet on the ground and any disappointment from hitting so strong.

Anyway, here we go...

Day one down...so far so good!

Okay I don't know what I was talking about with the estrogen patches. I guess you get used to it?...because I feel pretty normal these days and I'm still using them. I started my Lupron shots last night. One down...so far so good!

I'll be on Lupron for a couple of weeks. It's the same drug that sent me into menopause a while back. The Lupron will suppress my hormones (pituitary/FSH) so that Dr. B can then shoot me full of drugs to stimulate follicle growth. He'll have more control once the Luron has shut me down.

C'mon 15+!!! That's the number of eggs I hope to retrieve June 16th. My blood work from December predicted I'd have 14, so that's what I should expect.

The needle for Lupron is small. The dose is little. Takes about 5 minutes from prep to cleanup. Not a big deal. The only thing is the meds have to stay cold, so I keep them at home. Can't carry them around on me and be just anywhere at 7 o'clock (injection time). Other than that, so far no big deal. I'm just waiting to see the effect the drug has on my moods...yikes. Anyway just a small update.

I have a good feeling this time!

Just a quick update. It's been so long I almost didn't remember my Blogger password. Yikes.

We are getting ready to do IVF again in June!!! I must say I have a good feeling about it this time. I can't explain it other than a peace that I feel about it. :)

It's amazing I feel peace about anything right now with the anxiety. Man these estrogen patches make me crazy. I feel as if I'm PMS'ing all the time. I have a migraine almost every day. I'm not enjoying this indigestion either, but it's all for the babies right? So physically I feel crappy, but emotionally I feel really good!

For now, I'm wearing an estrogen patch while taking birth control, Metformin (for my PCOS), Omega-3, and prenatal vitamins. To some it might sound kinda crazy to take birth control when you're trying to get pregnant, but don't worry. It's all for the good of the eggs and adjusting my naturally out-of-whack hormones. Beginning in June, we'll move on to the daily shots and pull out the big guns.

This will be our last attempt for our own child(ren). It's been a very hard road for us, but if this doesn't work out, then we're done trying for our own.

Please keep us in your prayers. We are already thanking God for twins!!! :)

All Good

My karaotype came back and I'm fine! My DNA is not fragmented, so we can try IVF again!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, everyone!

Luis & I had the post IVF appointment with the dr months ago. He pretty much shook his head at our case and said he didn't understand what went wrong. He thought either: A) I'm in premature menopause or B) We should try IVF again, because he can't find any reason as to why it didn't and wouldn't work.

They sent my blood off for testing to see if I am in menopause. This was just before Thanksgiving. Due to the holiday, we didn't hear back from them for a while. We even spent a week in Greece which was AMAZING, then called once we got back to find out the very good news that I am NOT in menopause! Once again the dr is just shaking his head at my case. I am an anomaly.

I think I'm happier that I'm not the 33-year-old in menopause than I am of the fact that I still might be able to have my own kiddos. I think through this process I'm slowly accepting that fact...that we might not have our own kiddos...so was more upset that I might be the only 33-year-old "granny" I know. Sorry but that's what was going through my head. I mean yes I will some day go through menopause (go through it again...drugs already made me do that in 2008), but you want to earn it and get there when you're supposed to get there.

Anyway, so I'm not in menopause but the dr wants me to take one more test--karaotype--basically DNA testing for fragments. I gave them my blood sample before New Year's. It takes 2-3 weeks, so I'll keep you posted on the outcome. If everything comes back good, then they want us to try IVF again in the Spring. Spring means tax season, so we're not going to be available to try again until June.

Pino & I haven't decided that we'll try again in June. We certainly understand it's not guaranteed and want to weigh our options before jumping in. We have time to decide and save. We might use a donor embryo or adopt. We'll see. For now, we're waiting on the karaotype test to come back before we make a decision. It's just a big expense both financially and emotionally without really understanding what went wrong the first time.

As always, please keep us in your prayers. I now have 8 girlfriends who are pregnant. The overstimulation is making me shut down. I feel nothing when I look at a pregnant woman now. Though it's a fantastic defense mechanism...it's only covering up what's really going on and what I'm sure will inevitably come out one day. Yikes.