All Good

My karaotype came back and I'm fine! My DNA is not fragmented, so we can try IVF again!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, everyone!

Luis & I had the post IVF appointment with the dr months ago. He pretty much shook his head at our case and said he didn't understand what went wrong. He thought either: A) I'm in premature menopause or B) We should try IVF again, because he can't find any reason as to why it didn't and wouldn't work.

They sent my blood off for testing to see if I am in menopause. This was just before Thanksgiving. Due to the holiday, we didn't hear back from them for a while. We even spent a week in Greece which was AMAZING, then called once we got back to find out the very good news that I am NOT in menopause! Once again the dr is just shaking his head at my case. I am an anomaly.

I think I'm happier that I'm not the 33-year-old in menopause than I am of the fact that I still might be able to have my own kiddos. I think through this process I'm slowly accepting that fact...that we might not have our own kiddos...so was more upset that I might be the only 33-year-old "granny" I know. Sorry but that's what was going through my head. I mean yes I will some day go through menopause (go through it again...drugs already made me do that in 2008), but you want to earn it and get there when you're supposed to get there.

Anyway, so I'm not in menopause but the dr wants me to take one more test--karaotype--basically DNA testing for fragments. I gave them my blood sample before New Year's. It takes 2-3 weeks, so I'll keep you posted on the outcome. If everything comes back good, then they want us to try IVF again in the Spring. Spring means tax season, so we're not going to be available to try again until June.

Pino & I haven't decided that we'll try again in June. We certainly understand it's not guaranteed and want to weigh our options before jumping in. We have time to decide and save. We might use a donor embryo or adopt. We'll see. For now, we're waiting on the karaotype test to come back before we make a decision. It's just a big expense both financially and emotionally without really understanding what went wrong the first time.

As always, please keep us in your prayers. I now have 8 girlfriends who are pregnant. The overstimulation is making me shut down. I feel nothing when I look at a pregnant woman now. Though it's a fantastic defense mechanism...it's only covering up what's really going on and what I'm sure will inevitably come out one day. Yikes.

Just Breathe

Ahhh...I'm starting to feel better emotionally, mentally, physically--all of it. We decided to take a break from all this baby stuff. We are taking our "foot" off the throttle and just slowing it down to a more reasonable pace. It's amazing how obsessive it can be and how it can take over your life if you let it! I must admit that when we were told the IVF didn't work and that we might be done trying for good there was a feeling of...relief. I mean, through all of this I wanted to know can we have kids? If the answer is no, then I am disappointed but hey that's an answer! Can I please get back to my life now? Thank you.

Before all this baby stuff, I was an avid runner. I loved caffeine, sushi, spontaneous sex, etc.--all those things went by the way side once we lost our first pregnancy and aggressively began trying to get pregnant again. I thought every month that this was going to be the month so I didn't partake in non-pregnant things--until my period started and then I would drink or run or whatever for a week at a time. Now is my chance to get all that back again--to live my life the way I enjoy living it. It's time to get our lives back in order so that we can include children in our lives when we're balanced and ready.

I signed up for a fun run next weekend. I'm looking forward to it. My knee, due to all the hormones and lack of use, isn't up for anything more than a short run so I'm just going to take it slow. I'll do a little knee rehab and hopefully some day get back into running the way I used to love it!

Having said all that, we have a doctor's appointment November 16th. It's about 2 weeks away. The appointment is to go over the doctor notes from the failed IVF attempt. I'm curious to hear what they have to say, and will make an informed decision about where we go from here after that meeting. Either way, I really need to broaden my focus to include living this life and not just putting all my energy into pregnancy.

Byebye Baby

This blog post is no longer available

Here we go!

So much has happened since my last post. We've had at least 3 appointments and 3 ultrasounds. We watched as our 9 follicles grew to show there were actually 12 to grow even more to show we have 15 follicles for egg retrieval tomorrow!!!!!!!

To stimulate the follicles, I gave myself morning and evening shots followed by no more morning shots, but 2 at night. Last night Luis...yes, Luis...gave me my trigger shot of HCG. Eeeee! Here we go!

We go to Oklahoma City (OKC) tomorrow morning for egg retrieval. I'll be in one room and Luis will be in another making his "deposit". I can't wait to see how many eggs they actually retrieve. We will find out before we leave OKC tomorrow. They'll put it all together and call us Thursday to let us know how many were fertilized.

Then we wait. We go back next Monday the 12th for transfer. They'll transfer no more than 2 assuming we have 2 to transfer. If there are any other embryos at that time, then they'll freeze them for later. I'll try to keep you posted on this process.

I must say my husband has been amazing through all of this. He is my moral support and he's done a great job of it. I love you, honey!

Suppression Scan

Last Thursday I went in for the suppression scan/ultrasound. The girls were suppressed and we have 9 potential follicles!!!!! That's 9 potential eggs and 9 potential embryos!!!!! I'm expecting about 1/3 of them to actually make it to fertilized eggs...embryos...by the end of all this. That's not negative thinking...that's just how it works. Please say prayers. We want healthy embryos and then healthy babies! They'll transfer to me a maximum of 2.

Mom went with me to last Thursday's appointment. Check that. Mom went with me to half the appointment. She missed the scan, but was there for when I needed her--injection school. I'm going to be a chemist for at least the next week. I'm mixing sodium chloride gently with powdered meds and injecting them into my saddle bags daily. That's in the evening. In the mornings, I'm injecting an already mixed medication, Follistim, with which I am familiar (see previous blog). So that's 2 shots (a.m. & p.m.) until Thursday.

This coming Thursday is another ultra sound and possible dosage change...medication change. I'll have another ultrasound Saturday, then another one Monday...THEN egg retrieval the following Wednesday!!! EEeeeeee!!!!!! Now I say "I" not to exclude Pino, but because he is just moral support at this time. He's got it easy, b/c his "boys" are healthy and great!--which is a blessing...thank you, God!

Gave myself my first 7 a.m. shot this morning. It went great! No big deal...except the dosage of Follistim I'm taking this time compared to when we had our IUI it's tripled! Can't wait to feel the side effects of this. I'll keep you posted :o)

Love to everyone. We're super duper excited! C'mon October 7th, then October 12th (transfer to mommy)!!!!!!

Injection School

Thursday I go to Dr B's for my suppression scan. I'll get an ultrasound to see where my follicles are in comparison to where the doctor wants them to be--suppressed. My mother is going with me for the first time to an appointment, because Luis will be out of town and after the scan we're participating in injection school! Luis will give me the nightly injections (beginning September 27th) that I can't reach ;o). I think if another set of ears are present with me in injection school, then I won't miss as much as I know I would on my own. These appointments tend to be overwhelming. I leave wishing I'd asked more questions and taken more notes...thus Mom is going with me. Also she'll be able to teach Luis how he is to give me the shots. He does not want to do it, but I say tough titty! Try being the one getting the shots. Men.

I'm not completely informed about what the injections will be, but it is all in preparation for in vitro egg retrieval October 7th in Oklahoma City. Ideally my ovaries will produce multiple eggs to increase our chances of getting pregnant this time, and will hopefully have some left over to freeze to try again later (ideally 9 months plus later!!!!!!).

p.s. If anyone would like to donate to the Luis & Missy + fund, please contact me and I can give you my bank account number at BOK! Bahahahahahahahaha! That is funny :o) But seriously call me ;o)