Happy New Year

Happy New Year, everyone!

Luis & I had the post IVF appointment with the dr months ago. He pretty much shook his head at our case and said he didn't understand what went wrong. He thought either: A) I'm in premature menopause or B) We should try IVF again, because he can't find any reason as to why it didn't and wouldn't work.

They sent my blood off for testing to see if I am in menopause. This was just before Thanksgiving. Due to the holiday, we didn't hear back from them for a while. We even spent a week in Greece which was AMAZING, then called once we got back to find out the very good news that I am NOT in menopause! Once again the dr is just shaking his head at my case. I am an anomaly.

I think I'm happier that I'm not the 33-year-old in menopause than I am of the fact that I still might be able to have my own kiddos. I think through this process I'm slowly accepting that fact...that we might not have our own kiddos...so was more upset that I might be the only 33-year-old "granny" I know. Sorry but that's what was going through my head. I mean yes I will some day go through menopause (go through it again...drugs already made me do that in 2008), but you want to earn it and get there when you're supposed to get there.

Anyway, so I'm not in menopause but the dr wants me to take one more test--karaotype--basically DNA testing for fragments. I gave them my blood sample before New Year's. It takes 2-3 weeks, so I'll keep you posted on the outcome. If everything comes back good, then they want us to try IVF again in the Spring. Spring means tax season, so we're not going to be available to try again until June.

Pino & I haven't decided that we'll try again in June. We certainly understand it's not guaranteed and want to weigh our options before jumping in. We have time to decide and save. We might use a donor embryo or adopt. We'll see. For now, we're waiting on the karaotype test to come back before we make a decision. It's just a big expense both financially and emotionally without really understanding what went wrong the first time.

As always, please keep us in your prayers. I now have 8 girlfriends who are pregnant. The overstimulation is making me shut down. I feel nothing when I look at a pregnant woman now. Though it's a fantastic defense mechanism...it's only covering up what's really going on and what I'm sure will inevitably come out one day. Yikes.