I got stuck

I got stuck this morning. Now I have to wait until 4:00 to get our test results. This waiting could make a person go crazy!!

I'm at work and trying to stay focused and busy, but it's not so easy to do when the biggest news of your life (potentially) is coming just around the corner. C'MON 4 O'CLOCK!!!

I was up this morning from 3:00 til 5:00 freaking out. I woke Pino up crying. It's so hard to stay positive these last 24 hours. I think I hit bottom last night. I haven't cried much this time around until then. I was quickly on my way back up to good, though, just needed to let it out I guess. I got up and did a little research, made myself feel better, then was back to bed...blink, blink...I couldn't sleep. Why is it that when you can't sleep during the night...as soon as your alarm starts going off in the morning...you can magically sleep again?! That was me.

Just want to put this out there. No matter the outcome of today's test, Pino & I are okay. We will be fine. Not to be a downer, but you kinda get used to hearing bad news so we have pretty thick skin to it really. But since this isn't going to be bad news :o)...then we'll definitely be okay!!!

Also want to thank everyone for all the thoughts and prayers. You have all been such wonderful friends to us and we love and appreciate you more than we can say!!!

One more day

Tomorrow is our big pregnancy test day! It seems like it's taken forever to get here. I'm sure today will be a long day. I have pregnancy symptoms, but I'm on nightly progesterone shots too, so my symptoms could be because of those. My friend, Jen, though didn't have any symptoms post IVF and she got her BFP (that's big fat positive). I do, so I'm really hopeful we're preggers!

It's been an interesting 2 weeks. It started with the egg retrieval...did they mature/fertilize/make it past a couple of days? Then the transfer...lying on my back for 3 days and hoping the egg implants. Then the progesterone check which led to no change in our nightly dose. Now the next step is the pregnancy blood test.

Saturday my defense mechanism set in. I started planning for Plan B (heh--more like plan L or MNOP). What will we do if this doesn't work? Why am I even thinking this way? Do negative thought affect the outcome? Then the fantasy sets in. No, I AM pregnant. I can't wait to hold him, her, them. I wonder what kind of nursery we'll have. Dreams of nightly feedings, baths, onesies, pjs, runny noses, cars when they're 16, college education. It's amazing how far I've taken it, but I must admit I enjoy this part..the fantasy. It's hopeful. For one more day, I get to hope that I am pregnant and that we will have the family soon we've wanted for 3 & a half years now--really our whole lives I guess. A part of me wants to push back the time the nurse calls us with the results on the chance that the test comes back negative.

The way I physically feel, though, I'll be shocked if it comes back negative. I realize a lot of women have pregnancy symptoms that are psychological. You want it so bad you read into anything. I really do feel pregnant though. I'm expecting a positive, but it's kind of hard to go there 100% when I'm so used to getting a negative. Just so you know, if it is positive every single one of you will hear the cry heard round the world!! I will be so ecstatic I won't be able to contain myself!!!

Please keep praying. We're almost there!

1 week wait

I haven't blogged about a lot that's been going on recently, because it's hard to keep up really. A lot has gone on in a short period of time.

We had our final ultrasound which determined that we would (and did) go for egg retrieval the Wednesday of last week not Thursday. Our appointment Wednesday was at 8:30 in the morning, so Luis got us a hotel in Oklahoma City (OKC) for the night before.

We were funny trying to get to OKC. We stopped less than a mile from our house to eat dinner, then we stopped to go potty and grab change for the tolls. I forget to grab change, so we stopped yet again to get change then we got on the turnpike going the wrong way. We didn't get to OKC until after dark where we still tried to park without a pass. It's not like we could go to clubs or get out and walk all over Bricktown when we got there, so in a way getting their late took away any temptations. Memories.

We showed up for egg retrieval Wednesday morning and were ready to go. I'd taken my antibiotics beforehand like I thought I was supposed to. It made me nauseous so I ate 2 small bites of English muffin so I wouldn't vomit. The anesthesiologist was less than happy. He wanted to cancel the procedure!! Did you know that? I mean I've had procedures before...this isn't my first rodeo...I guess I didn't understand the risks involved with eating anything before going under. The nurse told him we were not canceling, so he proceeded to knock me out and pump my stomach. Of course I didn't feel it then, but the next day my neck felt like I'd been in a car wreck.

What started out bad Wednesday, however, ended good. While coming out of anesthesia, the doctor informed us he retrieved 6 eggs--5 were good!! Yes, in the beginning I wanted 15, but the way things played out, I was more than happy with 5. I felt really good afterwards. Luis & I even went to a nice sit-down lunch at a restaurant before driving back to Tulsa. I took a 3 hour nap and went back to work the next day.

Thursday is when the ride continued. They updated us that 2 good eggs fertilized. Woohoo!!!!!!! Last time we did IVF, we only had 1 mutant fertilized egg on day 2, so we were already ahead. We just held our breath til the next update on Friday. Would 2 other eggs which matured late also fertilize? Would we transfer the fertilized egg back to me on Saturday or Monday? Friday they phoned us to say we would transfer on Saturday.

This time to OKC, we didn't go early to stay the night because we knew we were staying there Saturday night and we have 2 dog kids to consider. We got up early Saturday morning and drove down. The transfer is noninvasive, so I didn't need much rest going in. It's as bad as a pap. We were the only patients there. Luis and the doctor talked about soccer and the World Cup. I took half my clothes off and got comfortable. Pino put scrubs on and I was rolled back into the same room where they did the retrieval--Pino walked back in his new digs.

Odd, but we discussed geography, raffles, and the eggs too. It was pretty casual with a pause when nurse Karen brought in the 3 fertilized eggs. Then we were back to conversation. I stayed in their office for over an hour with my feet up. Karen wheeled me down to our room. We stayed in the hospital's hotel which was okay overnight. Pino drove us home the next morning while I laid as flat as possible in the passenger seat.

I was on my back for 3 days. I sleep on my side, so staying on my back wasn't comfortable but if they said sleeping on my head would get me pregnant, I would!

We're still doing nightly shots of progesterone. We have an appointment Thursday to check my level of progesterone. Really after that the next step is the pregnancy test! The doctor's office will do a blood test. I am not peeing on a stick. I don't trust those things! Next after that I guess is hearing the heartbeat, then 1st trimester, then well let's not get ahead of ourselves.

So that's the lengthy update. Thank you to everyone who's texted, emailed, called, etc. during this process. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated so much!

As usual, PLEASE keep praying for us! It's all we can do now--pray, hope, be thankful, and think fertile.

We are getting close to retrieval day

So the down side to this roller coaster is that my right side is not responding as well as my left. That means all the eggs on my right side could be worthless compared to the 4 good ones on my left side!! That's the up side :o). All you need is one. I keep teasing my doctor that all I need is 15. I'm kidding! I'll take one. I just want twins and one can split ;o). Kidding again. We will seriously be happy with one...

Because of Saturday's ultrasound, they doubled my dose to help move things along. They might even move our retrieval from Wednesday to Thursday to give us more time for stimulation. Today I have the final ultrasound at noon. We'll know more then. Hopefully both sides are responding well and we'll be back to 10+ eggs.

Luis is out of town. He left yesterday morning at 7:00 to go to Austin, TX for work. He should be back in town tonight to give me the trigger shot (assuming Wednesday is still our day). If not, my neighbor across the street is a nurse, so I'll go knock on her door.

I'm on antibiotics now. No shots in the morning. We're on the downhill ride now. Not having those morning shots was a milestone. Things are a little easier now.

My ovaries feel large. My pants are tight. I mostly wear dresses right now. I sleep all the time...well that's kinda me anyway, but more so now. My hour naps are now 2 hours and I can't wait to get into bed at night. I basically get an extra month of pregnancy ;o).

Wish me luck on my ultrasound today!

Ride the roller coaster...

The roller coaster is off! Yesterday we went in for our first ultrasound. We had 10 follicles! I'm so happy and excited. If we had 20, would I be happier? Yes, but we have 10 and that's awesome!! Follicles can contain eggs...so we could have 10 eggs. We will have another ultrasound tomorrow, then another one on Monday. Last time we did IVF, with each ultrasound the count got higher...so I'm hoping for more than 15 follicles by Monday. Say a prayer!

It was so nice having Luis at the ultrasound yesterday. He asks good questions and that makes me feel like he is in this with me and he cares. It's easy to feel alone during this, because I'm taking 3 shots a day plus pills and let's not even mention the mood swings...all while my husband goes on business trips, plays football, and plays PlayStation. So having him there at the appointments really takes away a lot of the loneliness. Thanks, Pino!

Our ultrasound is at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I'll have to post how many follicles we have then. I hope it's more! I hope. I hope.

My meds are here.

I received my meds today. What a package. I had it delivered to work so it's not sitting in the sun at home on my porch. Most of it needs to stay cool (in the fridge). I showed some coworkers the larger progesterone needle. Haha. Let's just say they were impressed. Not a little needle. Thank God I only use this one a time or two towards the end. Then when I'm pregnant, I'll use it more AND BE HAPPY TO DO SO! :o)

This time around I'll be doing 1 shot in the morning and 2 at night Sunday 6/6 through Sunday 6/13. I'm able to give them all to myself, so Luis is free to travel for work. I'll need him or someone for one on 6/14 though...

I've been taking shots of Lupron every night for the past week and 2 days. I've had 1 hot flash and a couple headaches. No big deal. That is until Wednesday. I had a horrible day. My head hurt so bad I was nauseous plus I was super emotional. Eck. I had my suppression scan (ultrasound and blood work) that day. It was a success--my follicles are suppressed.--The nurse told me I'm allowed to take Excedrin migraine. Yay!!!!! I went straight to the pharmacy then to bed and the headache was gone. Yesterday and today have been fine...no headaches or hot flashes. I've had a couple of mood swings, but nothing major. I just remind myself it's not real. I'm not really sad...just chemicals making me feel that way.

I've sort of had a coming to Jesus lately. This whole thing is out of our hands and I'm not going to stress about it. The doctors and I can only do so much more before we close this chapter and move on to the next. Doesn't stop me from hoping the outcome is a beautiful baby of our own...Just keeps my feet on the ground and any disappointment from hitting so strong.

Anyway, here we go...